How easy is it to get to know French people?

People outside of France (i.e. New Zealanders mostly) often want to know if the French culture is as impenetrable, regulated, sophisticated, etc, as they have imagined. Is it really so hard to make friends with French people? I have to emphasise that this is my experience in the south of France, in the lovely city of Toulouse and the lovely town of Ramonville St-Agne. I don't know anything much about Paris or places north of here, and to be honest, I think we've found a particularly charming part of France to live in.

• Point in our favour, number one: Having children at school is a great way to get to know French Mums and Dads. Turning up at the school gates every day, quietly saying bonjour to the other parents, not being overly-effusive or ebullient, smiling respectfully but not desperately; all of things helped the process. There was not too much warm-embracing to start with but slowly and surely, and certainly very genuinely and curiously, friendships have naturally developed. Going on school trips and the children's birthday parties are two other opportunities to grab hold of.

• Point in our favour, number two: Trying to speak French as much as possible is also really important. Our French was absolutely, horrifyingly bad to start with, and I still trip over what should be blatantly obvious, stare-you-in-the-face phrases now, but it the effort that absolutely counts with the French people here. They warm to you for making the effort, they applaud your artistic creativeness with the language, they encourage you when you get something right, and they kindly correct your desperate ineptness. It was only after about one year of living here that I found that many of the French people I had been struggling to speak French with spoke the most beautiful English...

• Point in our favour, number three: We are from New Zealand (which also reads, we are not from England. I'm so sorry, but it's true). We are often asked whether we are from England. But no, we say, we speak English but we are from New Zealand. Ah, okay then, big smiles all round. Australians are also perfectly acceptable here.

• Point in our favour, number four: We deliberately chose to live in a real French town rather than in an expatriate community. I do understand the many and diverse reasons families have for choosing that option (most often work-location and temporary-contracts related), but I am just so happy that we are here: completely surrounded by Frenchness, with the opportunity to do and be all things French. It's superb.

• Point in our favour, number five: We are a novelty. From early on people seemed to know about us - that we were from New Zealand, that we were a family with three children, even where we lived. But many were also very curious about why we came to live in Ramonville St-Agne. There were lots of questions like: But why are you 'ere in France? Nouvelle-Zelande eez a beautiful country, no? Why would you study 'ere? Do they not 'ave universities in Nouvelle-Zelande?? We would explain that the south of France is considered by many, including us of course, to be one of the most appealing places in the world to live. Eez zat so? they would say quietly and thoughtfully. To them, life in France was normal, and New Zealand was exotic and fascinating.

As for their sophistication, their heightened sense of culture and design, their ability to enjoy food, drink, life, their appreciation of beauty, their innate sexy-ness, well, I'll get on to that topic soon. (And yes, it's all true!)